Part 02 of the robot is just a click away. 

I think I’ll be putting these all together in a free book soon. So everyone can see how stupid and untalented that I am. Hopefully I can get it together in time for a convention, that way I can lure in new victims to check out this site.

Alright I’m off to watch the Lakers vs The Knicks. I’m all in on Jeremy Lin.

Sometimes being a complete piece of shit doesn’t work in your favor. Case in point, todays post. I finished all the artwork for this shit, but somewhere, probably in a  concaine/PCP/Meth fueled rage I’ve misplace the text that I was supposed to throw into the stupid fucking word bubbles. Now I have to ask the retarded child that lives next door to me what it was that he originally wrote and drew for me to take credit for today. For fucks sake I’m a piece of shit. Oh well, here’s the second installment of La Musica Romantica, because the original upload didn’t work right.

Christ can I do anything correctly?  At least the mix is laced with beautiful Ryan Gosling. So that’s a start.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Page Six is behind this stupid thumbnail. 

Page six. Ohhh boy. I’m getting a little quicker with the coloring now. Which is a good thing because sitting at a computer without masturbating to some sort of scat fetish pornography hours upon end just seems like a complete waste of time to me. It’s getting quicker, but at some point I hope I get better. If not I’ll just go back to coloring in shit, piss and blood.

Here’s the original panels this page is based on.

I’m off to go work on the packaging for this book.

I have never in my life wanted to own a painting as much as I want to own this one. It looks like my little bundle of shit Poopster. Anyways, I finally got my shit together and found some photographs that weren’t already used in previous installments ( I & II) of Interior Porn on this blog. So take off your shoes before you step foot on the carpet and lets get crackin’.

Chalkboard paint its the new “Keep Calm, Carry On” poster. Everyone uses it on absolutely everything. Sometimes it’s a pretty cool application. Other times it’s some fat housewife who has nothing to do than to pretend she’s creative and in between photographing her inbred children and scrap booking she tries to re-decorate her house with chalkboard paint cause she saw it on Pintrest once. But that massive chalkboard with all those drawings on it is pretty fucking rad. I wish I didn’t have such and extreme case of OCD so I could do something like that. But I’d freak out that a line weight wasn’t exactly right and erase something. Then after re-drawing it, I’d notice that you could see eraser dust behind it and there isn’t any eraser dust anywhere else so I’d start trying to remove the previous eraser dust with a damp cloth, but mistakenly end up erasing something that I didn’t want to erase. So then after trying to fix one line, I’d end up erasing half the board and starting to re-draw it. Three hours after that I’d give up and paint the whole fucking thing over with white latex paint never to touch chalkboard paint ever, ever, again. Unless I wanted to to a mini-bar menu like the second picture.

This is a pretty cool idea. If I was single I’d just take mugshots of all the girls I’d slept with and hang them above my bed. Then wehn the new young lady unsuspectingly stumbles into my rape den, I could point to the photos of the other girls and tell her she’s “Victim number 48,” and that “none of the other girls bodies had washed ashore yet.”  While laughing manically and locking the dead bolt from inside the room. But sorry ladies, I’m engaged and you’ve just ruined your new panties by fantasizing about what will never be.

I’ve always admired the people that have massive collections of music or books around their house. It looks pretty cool to have shit everywhere in a sort of organized chaos. But I’d feel claustrophobic with all that shit and need to start emptying the shelves after about 10 minutes just throwing away all the old Boyz II Men & Lou Bega CDs. I admire cluttered design, but I could never live with it. Looking at my old ladies closet make me want to light that cluttered mess on fire with a fucking blowtorch. Speaking of closets…

 I would give my fuckin pinky toe to have a closet that wasn’t jammed full of shit that she’s never gonna wear and looked like this. Lofty goals I know, but really how much shit can you actually wear? The woman has these three shirts that have to be over 7 years old and I know this because I’ve never seen her wear them once in my life and we’ve been together for going on 8 years. But these future shop rags still have the tags on them and they’re the most vomit inducing shirts I’ve ever seen. Hold on I’ll go take a picture of the shit that she needs to hold on to.

Look at this thing? Unless she’s going to become a lesbian and go to the WNBA playoffs or dress up as Bananas in Pajamas for Halloween, I just don’t see a need for hanging on to shirts like this. Also, if there’s no blog post tomorrow, know that I’m probably dead because she read this post and has stabbed me in the throat in my sleep. Check the back yard for a shallow grave.

Maybe I’ll get lucky when we buy a house and we can have seperate clostes, and I can have a manly closet that smells like Brut, wool and leather. Then she can hoard all of the lesbian shirts she wants and I’d never have to see it.

It would also be manly as fuck to have a beer fridge inside that closet so I can just get smashed after I get out of the shower while I’m getting dressed. But who am I kidding, I’d probably just get drunk and pass out in the closet only to be found with a towel covering one of my testicles and my face covered in vomit doing my best John Bonham impression.

Maybe I’ll try and make it classier. have some gin ad scotch instead of Schiltz and Old E. This is a fairly impressive bar setup. until you realize that all the liquor is on the floor and any glass that you grab will most likely be covered in dust from sitting on this cheap Ikea shelf for weeks on end. Yeah, I don’t know if this is the ideal bar set up at all. Those Ikea shelves don’t hold up for shit and a broken bottle of tequila isn’t like spilling a gallon of milk in my book. I’d cry like a little bitch.

Not only are these bathrooms really well done and very cool looking, they’re also reminding me that I have to go clean my bathroom because somebody (and I’m not naming names) had a little Jackson Pollack moment in the shitter last night.

Speaking of Juggalettes, apparently the little dude with an axe running that’s plastered all over shitty mini-vans and Chysler LeBarons is actually a logo for the Insane Clown Posse. Which I didn’t even know was still around anymore, but fuck I guess they’ve become white trash heroes. So my homie Alex Pardee was on a podcast talking about some crazy shit that people needed to watch called American Juggalo. So I decided to give this shit the once over and what a fucking Gem!!! I swear to go it’s the most addicting video you can ever watch. Well behind this video of course.

I’ve watched it at least 20 times with equal parts of intrigue and contempt. So ladies and gentlemen without any further ado, I present, American Juggalo.