I should probably be asleep right now, but I’ve always had a hard time sleeping since I was a kid. It’s gotten worse the older I’ve become. I can never stop my mind from racing and coming up with more fantastical things that I could possibly be doing. All the things I’d rather be doing than sleeping. I hate sleep, I wish I never had to sleep and could just work on art, play video games or watch all the fantastic videos that youporn has to offer. I don’t try and make myself go to sleep anymore, I just wait for it to come to me at this point and work until I pass out from exhaustion.
So far I’ve managed to color 3 pages of the rest of the Jesus comic which is quite the achievement for me since I loathe using photoshop to alter my images. I don’t know what it is, but when I see all these people who do things (some of which are amazing) I just cringe because I have certain level of disdain for people who need to use photoshop, illustrator or manga studio to create art. I’m not saying that the digital medium isn’t a valid option, I just hate the fact that for so many people it’s become the only way that they can create anything these days. I see these kids coming up on Deviant art and the stuff they’re doing on their computers is amazing, but then when you look at their pencil and ink work it’s putrid. I love drawing comics and feeling the pressure of my pencil tip work into a pad of paper and can’t imagine not doing things the old fashioned way. But I think traditional illustration is becoming a lost art in comics especially.
I hope at some point comics revert back to creating shit with pencils and ink and not using Wacoms and computer programs to mask artists weaknesses. But looking at the racks and racks of utter shit that’s on comic book shelves these days I seriously doubt we’ll ever get another Jack Kirby again and it’s a fucking shame. For people who don’t draw I’d liken it to the auto tune craze that seems to finally be dying out. How many shitty overproduced songs do we have to get in a row before people finally throw up their hands in frustration and just demand that people knock that shit off and demand that motherfuckers learn how to actually sing? It’s the same thing with comics, all these overproduced garbage and digital manipulation is the auto tuning of comics.
I just want people putting pencil to paper and drawing their fucking hearts out until their hands cramp and fingers go numb. I want to see the passion in every pencil line and the frustration in every drop of white out on an illustration board. I want my art to have a fucking soul. I want people to have to figure out if they screw up inking a page, there’s a way to cover it up and fix it without hitting an undo button and not learning from the shit that they’re not good at doing.
I think it’s why I stay away from Marvel and DC books. It’s all hyper manipulated crap that doesn’t tell me anything about the artists soul. There’s no personality in a perfect illustration. There’s no growth in mistake free art. I love that there’s still some people out there who are doing really awesome shit and I think people should support more independent, unmolested artistic endeavors. Check out Jim Rugg’s Street Angel trade paperback, pickup Rob Schrab’s Scud: The Disposable Assassin, marvel at the lines in Jeff Smith’s Bone and wish that you could create something as beautiful as Craig Thompson’s Blankets. For every 100 hunk of shit comic books being churned out there’s always a few books out there that are mind blowing and really make me re-think what I’m doing within my own little nook of comics and it’s not because they’re hiding behind a computer.
I’m back form Arizona & didn’t get deported! Hooray for me. Now back to the grind of drawing comics. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I haven’t been very productive the last few months. So I’m gonna try and finish a page a day until I get caught up to where I think I should be—then I’m playing NBA2k12 or Madden for a week.
It’s strange that I’ve been working on new shit non-stop this year but I still feel like I could have done more. I think in terms of comics and maintaining my website I do far more than most of my friends, but I still look at what I’ve done these last few months and see all the shit I could have completed. I just want to pump out more and more awful comics for people to look at. Like the comic I’m doing now is a prequel to the next comic I’m doing but it still doesn’t feel like I’ve pushed myself hard enough to do better work. I always finish shit and look at it with a sort of sour taste in my mouth and wish I could have done better. I don’t know, is that retarded? I just want to keep getting better at shit but I’m never progressing as much as I think I should.
I’m still trying to get my coloring skills up to where I think they should be in this new wacom dominated era of comics, but the vision of where I want to be and the reality of where I am are just so far apart. I look at things like Mike Huddleston’s Butcher Baker the Righteous Maker and can’t ever imagine being able to pull off what he’s doing.
You should all buy that book by the way. It’s up there with Mahfoods “Grrl Scouts”, Schrabs “Scud: The Disposable Assassin”, or Jim Ruggs “Street Angel” in terms of influencing my work. I look at that book and it makes me want to get even better at my own stupid comics.