THe great thing about drawing comics and art in general is that you get to meet some really talented and amazingly awesome people. Unfortunately sometimes you meet some real pricks with no talent. Case in point, David Iseri and Paul Lau. The drawings above are what happens when two men meet in a work environment and can’t help but to have nothing but conversations about artists that they admire and envy. Sometimes that envy turns into outright jealousy and they begin to attack people with far more talent than themselves, that person of course is me. Why all the hate gentlemen? Just drop me a line and I’ll definitely send you some pointers on how to act more professional and how to do things with integrity. In fact if you just look at my blogs I think it’ll help plant a seed of hope and joy in your hearts.

That said I drew a picture of these two adorable young chaps shortly after they were caught in the streets of New York celebrating the fact that their “lifestyle” was legalized and they could now marry. Semen flowed through the streets and their teeth like sands in in an hourglass.

click to enlarge.

<3

The dudes over at LCR have been doing a weekly challenge thing and last night I was drunk enough that my penis wouldn’t get hard wnough to masturbate so I decided (or go decided) that I should draw instead. The pencil was mightier than my penis, so I decided to take a crack at some of the characters that people had draw and try to put my own spin on it. This is what not to do in not only life kids, but in art as well.

and here’s where the comic continues it’s steep decline in quality. Sorry if you thought otherwise, but if you’re looking for good work I’d suggest you check out now and look at Chris Wares shit or something. Nothing to see here, move along.

I’ve also taken to drawing people who come into my work and eat at there. But I don’t draw the nice people just the pieces of shit who I hate. Like this lady. (see fig 1)

This lady had a Nascar shirt on that was from some shit years and years ago and the shirt had to be her favorite ever because it was paper thin and I could see her hairy chest through it. Not only that but it looked like she had the flesh eating virus on her arms and I’m assuming her uppper lip as well because why else would you try and grow such a full mustache unless you’re hiding something. Anyways this turd came in with her husband to get a “juicy well done steak” but realized that she couldn’t afford anything that wasn’t on the Dennys menu, and we’re not Dennys yet, but we’re getting close. So she decided on a Cheeseburger. She made a point to point out that she didn’t “want no cheese or bacon” only to retract that statement when the burger came out with no cheese or bacon.
Although she pointed it out in her clever way by saying “What are tryin to feed, a squirrel?”
Which I didn’t get at all seeing as I had 7+ more years education than her with me having completed middle school.
But by this time the table was pissing me off so I replied
“No ma’am I don’t feed squirrels cheeseburgers, where do you live?” She was apparently pissed that her husband/plumber/meth addict of a senior citizen husband had cheese and bacon. So I had to go get her the shit she originally didn’t want on the burger and of course cause she’s a fuckin moron it was my fault and they decided to leave me a whopppin no dollars and no cents on their 24 dollars bill.

Then there was this table after it.

This table was a bunch of fake ass thug wannabes complete with bad t-shirts that you could sail a boat to paris with, neck tattoos of other peoples names, terrible fades, and pants halfway around their ass that I could prolly share as a sleeping bag with another couple. (see fig 2) But these pieces of trash came in and ordered Lobster and Filet, appetizers and all kinds of shit. I was liek oh greeeeat, no tip on this. But I was WRONG. They did tip me! They left me a whopping 55 cents on a 150 dollar bill! Which kind of made me feel bad about spitting into their 12th lemonade refill. But I quickly got over it when I got my huge tip. The new Jordans must have dropped that day, because they hadda save their money obviously.

Seriously instead of showing us that damn video for sexual harassment when we start they should just show us that clip of when Forrest Gump arrives in Vietnam and Lt. Dan gives him some words of advice. It’d prolly go farther.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW8X5DhMlrE&feature=player_embedded

blah blah blah. I’ll post more of shit heads like these as they come in. I think I might even start taking pictures of them as well. Start a whole website of shitty tippers and assholes that come into my job. Til next time bitches.

YUP PAGE 35.

And I sketched this out last night, it’s a little doodle of Mahfoods Carl the Cat. Ify ou in San Deigo you can pick up a free copy of Heavy Metals book, which has a story with Carl in it.

Alright now I’m off to work since they just called me in on my day off. I feel like Dante in clerks.